Ever felt like there was a drug you can’t abstain from? Ever felt like you could stop taking a road you always met pain on? Ever felt so in love with someone that you’re blind to what you go through because of it?
Well I know these feelings too well.
When my teacher told me experience was the best teacher, I never believed it until I saw for myself. He came into my life a couple years ago. I was hurt, bitter and broken. He cared for me and always watched me. I loved him but I felt it was too early. Recovering from the gruesome theft of my virginity, I wanted him to love me, kiss me and just take the horrible experience from my memory but I was scared to let him. I pushed him away even though I was yearning for his love and dying for his touch. He painted the picture of the beautiful things he’d do to me but I resisted him for fear. Now that I told him that I love him, guess the most painful part, I’m too late.
I came at a time when he had no time to love me like he should. I opened my heart when other priorities had taken my place. Don’t get it wrong. He loves me, he just doesn’t love me enough because he’s so busy with his work now. Hardly pings me, hardly calls or even talks to me. I’m not asking him to be at my beck and call. All I ever wanted was for him to at least show he still cared once in a while and allow me feel his love. I know I deserve what I’m getting because I was slow to tell him how I felt so I’m paying for my family. Valentines’ Day is in 4 days and I should be excited and all but unfortunately he’s far away, he doesn’t see it as a special thing and doesn’t even have the time but I still love him so much.
The Sad Black Woman